rude awakening

I never became when I was
supposed to become,
lost in a wood
of what I should be's
no speeches of eminent
changes,
life cycles,
the motion from
childhood to adulthood
was a mystery to me.
perhaps that's why
I put it off for so long.
my youth dwindling
while I lingered doing
childish things with
children of the like mind.
I did mature though-
in an even field...
surprising myself
with my own precociousness,
breaking bonds I had tied
myself with,
thrusting myself into
the arms of startled lovers,
hoping my fantasies were true.
They weren't of course,
and I was alone again,
less innocent,
disrespected,
a bit ashamed.
but this is what it means
to be a grown up, I guess.
The pain out weighing
the silliness.
I do not begrudge
my lack of warning,
the absence of,
"this is how it will be" speeches
make sense now,
because really,
how fair is it to
sit a child down and tell them
that the future is going to
break their heart?