about this God fellow...

so i think God has been talking to me lately..not in a take your pants off in the back-yard and proclaim the second coming kind of way, but more subtly. small things have been going my way where in other times, well chaos would have caught me. lost keys and journals have been found, car accidents have been near-misses instead of fender-benders, and i have been feeling better physically where i should be according to all intents and purposes been run down and lost. i suppose there could be a hundred other reasons for my sudden turn in luck, coincidence, better driving skills (yeah right) and that icky fish oil i take every day finally kicking in, but i prefer a more metaphysical explanation. i think this way because each good thing that has happened has caused me to turn my face upward and say thanks.
now lately my prayer regime has improved simply because i have been trying to make a good impression on the youth group kids as i got a sage piece of advice from a great mentor that said to never do anything i didn't want the kids to see me doing and to do what i wanted the kids to see me practicing (thanks john!). so i have been cleaning up my slightly salty language ---stone of a peach, jiminy crispies, that really grills my cheese----and praying not just with a shopping list but trying to start an on going conversation with God. and it has been working. i find myself talking about my day with the Supreme Deity instead of the Field Man..ok i still talk about my day with my dog but now God is included in the conversation, and i am sharing my woes AND joys...saying thank-you more and more rather than gimmee gimmee gimme all of the time.
so have these little miracles been a reward for this more appropriate attention to the Universal Watch-Maker as the Victorians thought Him to be? i certainly hope not. i don't want to be given a gift for being a more vigilant human being and faithful spirit. i'd rather think that by being a more vigilant and prayerful person i have just become more aware of the spirituality that has always surrounded me, the brilliance of the universe that reveals itself every day in the revolution of the earth and the finding of parking spaces close to the entrance of Wal-Mart.
this new consciousness surprises me because i always shied away from any sort of this sense of being before. i was always afraid that there would be an awful payback, that all of the pain and horror of the world would hit me tenfold as i gleaned the nectar of love from the universe. but it has not been so. yes i am aware of of the bad, but the good has made me so strong that i feel powerful enough to be able to make a change in the overwhelming bad. so with each little gift, i try to give a little gift myself. lost keys found? i loan out a pen so a stranger can do a crossword, calm day at the store? spend the afternoon with mother with a dvd of our fav show..i think after 33 years i am finally getting a glimpse of the yin/yang give and take of this existential plane we humans find ourselves on. so thanks for the nudge God, i needed it to become and keep becoming a better person.