My Apologies

i apologize for all the pain i cause
for the trouble in your heart
the racings of my mind
leave behind.
their rumble rumbles
sometimes overflow into
the real world you know.
and i do my best to stop it...
my inconvenient madness that i
try to suppress,
so bothersome to you.
your heartfelt tears as you
describe the distress of:
the impulse to cure
and to heal that is
for naught
as if my only impulses were to
run naked in the streets
declaring my broken illness
but i understand your
love and frustration,
because it is frustrating
to be me too.
and if i luxuriate in the parts
of my intellectual strangeness
that make you uncomfortable,
please accept my apologies.
because in my general dreariness
i tend to suck the marrow of
joy from wherever i can find it.
and if these words seem angry,
i'm sorry again,
but in hearing you speak
when all i could do but nod and agree,
(silence being the quickest way to end
an uncomfortable moment)
thoughts birthed and festered,
leaving behind this bitter verse
that i put on paper
instead of in my mouth.
so i express my extreme regrets
if you find these words
and they cause you upset;
just know it is my truth
as you have expressed your own.